THE IDIOTS

“Life is a race. Bhaago !! Tez nahi bhaagoge toh you will be like a broken anda.” Famous quote from the meticulous Viru Sahastrabuddhe aka VIRUS in 3 Idiots. True ?? seems like it. Cut throat competition, dwindling markets, dollar doing its ding-dong with the rupee. Hell ! where are we headed to. With the placement season on the horizon, the question becomes all the more gruesome. And like a true MBA, whenever these thoughts cross my mind, I pick up my laptop and open up FACEBOOK & TWITTER. Voila ! The world ain’t that bad either.

Lalu Yadav was finally convicted in the fodderscam. Bovine justice to say the least. But the funny part was the court imposing a fine of 25 lakhs on the convicts. Seriously ?? For a 900 crore scam. Quite a bargain. Tendulkar decided to call it a day on his international career. Wonder what impact it would have on the poor Critics who made a life out of criticising the great man. Still remember Virat Kohli’s statement after the 2011 world cup triumph about the Master- “ He’s carried the weight of 100 crore expectations for two decades on his shoulders. It’s time we carried him on our shoulders ”

The mystery of Asaram’s antics has been touching new heights. From being approached by companies to endorse Viagra products to the demand of his genitals being placed in the Madame Tussauds. Everyone wants a piece of Asaram. But Indian men have always been horny. Grand Masti didn’t gross 100 crores for nothing. The same however can’t be said about Rahul Gandhi though. Lecturing poor villagers in terms of Escape velocity of Jupiter. WDF? He would have been far better off tearing another useless Cabinet bill. kam se kam taaliyaa toh bajti.

But the ROFL moment of the month was Mallika Sherawat feeling offended by a contestant’s facebook picture sitting with two girls. Agreed the man is here to marry you. But what about her makeouts in the elevators, on public beaches, on the roofs and where not. And then they call the Indian men hypocrites. Now that we are talking about TV shows, how could one forget the oh so delightful “Comedy Nights with Kapil”  Ain’t it the best feeling to see the entire family having a laugh. A word of caution. Don’t try using the BABA JEE KA THULLU on a girl. You might not get the same response as Kapil does.

And just like that the mind is at peace and out comes another piece of filmy advice. Let’s put the metal on the pedal and as Baba Ranchoddas said “Job ka kya hai. Job toh mil hi jayegi. I guarantee it.”

P.S: Don't forget to like and share the post.

Life of an Intern

When Gmail replaces Facebook as the first tab on your Chrome page, you know life’s gotten busy. When bites of the Leather replace the comfort of Chappals and Sneakers on your feet, you know life’s gotten busy. When you prefer catching an expensive matinee show instead of the cheaper morning one, you know life’s gotten busy. When a few extra hours of sleep replace the things you loved doing most, well, life’s gotten busy.

Life, for sure has changed. For the good or the bad. Well can’t say. The powerpoint skills have improved. So has typing speed on the keyboard. Can’t say the same for Excel though. Abhi bhi Autosum se aage kuch nahi seekha. The checks on the shirts have given way to a range of linen. The late night TV series takes weeks to get over with. Deadlines ki toh Maa ki.. Friday night has become the most celebrated moment of the week. Bottle kholing Daaru pouring..

But all is not gloom in this new phase of life. You have your share of fun too. The smile when you hear your Boss say “Bhenchod !!! Hum Chutiye baithe hai yaha !!!” when the client postpones a meeting. Priceless!! The smirks you exchange with the your mates when the Manager talks about doing it for the Company. The On-going crushes and romances in the cafeteria. The thumping in the Chest when you finally manage a Well Done pat from your Boss.

Woahh. Got a little philosophical. Too much actually. But Who cares. Life ka toh pata nahi, the world has been changing dramatically. The Country is headed for a new Prime Minister who will be either a Pappu or a Feku. Kudos to the nicknames. Sir Jadeja is winning matches for his team. Tusshar Kapoor ko bhi dialogue mil gye yaar ab toh. Sunny Leone is wearing clothes. Formality ke lie hi sahi. So there’s still hope. Life ain’t that bad either. And as they say, like everything else, this too shall pass.

An OdE to the Sessionals....

Disclaimer: This Article is not a work of fiction...Any resemblance to any place or person,living or dead, would be dead,could be dead...(if you don't click on the like button) is purely "not" co-incidental..I hope you people feel the same elation on this momentous day of our life...The last Sessional...yess guys...Done and dusted...hi5...

I still fondly remember the first year of my B.Tech…After an initial settling in period came the dreaded Exams (yess..at that time the Sessionals deserved that status..)

6 papers in 6 days…that’s so not fair…”saans lene ka bhi time nhi milega” quoted one of my dear friends…”Arey there would be mass bunk the week before the exams(again yess..examss..:P)…Time enough for preparation”  came the answer..

Well in the years gone by…the period stretching over three and a half years and as counted by my statistician Nanda, 87 papers (omg…realllyyy…87…n that’s just the count of sessionals…LOL) , people have realised the true worth( or the lack of it) of the sessionals..

“Arey this name in itself is misleading…Sessionals nhi..Minors is the name apt for these little ones..itni hi Aukaat h inki… ” quoted my friend before today’s paper…

“Mam ye question out of syllabus h..”

Our response to such a query in the examination hall in the initial years was somewhat anxious...Not knowing an answer,or the question in itself, deserves that reaction...But now it's more of a relief...cos there is something in the paper "jo aur kisi ko bhi nahi aata.."  what's even better is the thought of getting some grace marks..(Bhaiya Ravi Shastri ne kaha h.."No matter how they come...As long as they are runs."  well, marks in our case)

But one thing that these Sessionals have taught us in life....and that might one day just turn out to be the biggest learning of our life...that is the introduction to "JUGAAD Technology"...For those who think there's no such subject...check out the Oxford Dictionary...Jugaad is the second thing India has invented after Aryabhatta's zero..(and 1.2 billion people ofcourse)

In the Sessionals, it doesn't matter what the question asked is...The answer is anything one can remotely remember and fit into the frame...and who isn't familiar with the Jigsaw puzzle..plus one can always sneak a peek into the neighbour's sheet...Even the Examiners know "sab fatte hi toh chala rahe h...Ki farak penda hain..."


But there are things that haven't changed as well...The girl sitting 5 inches from you during the paper is still hot if not hotter...Your mate on the right or the left don't know the answer to the same question that you yourself are clueless about...The feeling of punching that asshole discussing the paper once it is over..The one bigger asshole who always completes the paper in half the time and leaves making you feel small...(apologies to my dear friend Mayank but yess it's not funny...) and the biggest of Assholes who would ask for an extra sheet...wdf...that's against the rules...nobody can crap so much in an hour and a half...


Anywayssss...the journey has been good...great infact...and one can go on and on and on about these days...I am sure one of these days or nights would stick in our grey cells forever...the late night 10 paisa conference calls...the mugs of coffee...the early morning splashes...but most of all....the memorable quotes... "abey fatti padi h bhai...","kamina sab padh k aaya h", "saale paper me gaane likh rha tha.." And as much as it pains me to say this but with a twinkle in the corner of my eye...(ha ha ha)

Dear Sessionals... you will be missed...

INTER_ViEW

So the season is nearing its end now...arey woi apna MBA season..must say it's been a hell of a ride...from tadka daal to chikni chameli to Justin Beiber...bloody Interviewers want to know it all..(Tharki Buddhe).."Beta college kitna dur h ghar se?" asked one.."Sir Aadha Ghanta" came the casual reply.."Acha what is the unit of Current?"..."Ampere"..."and Distance?"..."Sir Kilometer"..."Abhi toh aapne kaha Ghanta...sorry aadha ghanta"...said the Asshole with a cunning grin on his face...okay one up to you I told myself...


"Acha beta watching Cricket is your hobby??"..."Yes Sir.I am a passionate Cricket follower"..."ha ha..national hobby h..ok tell me the difference between a Doosra and Googly?...in one line only." he said throwing me a googly (or doosra watever).."Sir A doosra is A Off Spinner's leg spin delivery and A googly is a Leg Spinner's off spin" (up yours smartass...) I mentally updated the score to one each..."Ha Ha Ha...beta ye baat apni Girlfriend to samjhaani ho toh ??" came the teesra.."Sir kyu breakup karwa rhe ho..?"I replied with a cheeky one..Yess they took it well..The monsters had a sense of humor..2-1..I was in the lead...not for long though..But they say these Interview battles are better lost...(n we all know Haar k jeetne wale ko....) Anyways I lost the score count after a while...


"How was it...What are they asking...Acads puch rhe h...???" asked a pretty girl from Chandigarh(and yess...she was hot too) who had given me company earlier during the day...The hurt male ego did not allow the truth to come out...So decided to answer her diplomatically..."It was okkay " I said with a sigh..."They just want to know you..." But her expectant eyes wanted more from my lips(pun intended) as she took a chair beside me..."Yaar dhang se bata naa..Jyada le rhe hain...??" she asked...Excuse me..."Yaar"..."le rhe hain"...Aint u getting a little too casual already...I said to myself..But apna Dil bhi toh bachha hain jee...So gave her some real advice "YAAR..They will try to stress u a little...Stay calm...I could not...and don't mention hobbies that u don't actually have.."...She seemed content..


I wished her all the Best and wandered across to the College Canteen...which turned out to be a delight...The Banana Shake with some real desi bashing of the Interviewers and their pathetic understanding of the world's most talented(now disgruntled) souls helped relax my mind...I realised that no matter the fancy suits...on the inside the true Indian was still alive and kicking...I can't recall all the names but the feelings at that time were quite mutual..."Abey Inko aata kya hain..Saale CAT me 50 percent nhi laa sakte teeno mil ke bhi.." said one with a red tie..."Arey bhaiya Jharkhand se yha aane tak kitne station aaye...kya fark padta hain...saala humko ticket collector samjhe hain.." quipped another one with a shiny shirt..."arey bhai wo bandi mast thi yaar.. tere saath jo bethi thi...what's her name..Local h??" a guy asked me...I realised the testosterone rich environment had indeed thrown me some attention since the morning...mostly cos of the Chandigarh chick.. "Chandigarh" I replied..."Lag hi rha tha..Dilli ka toh paani hi kharaab hogya hain.." pat came the reply...


The day came to an end with some more banter and curses...Still provided me the stuff for this post...So start pressing the like button people...(Marketing nahi aati bhai mje abhi islie seedha hi kehna padta hain..)

It's not a changing world after all...

woohooo...1000 hits on the blog..really took so long..(even longer than Sachin's 100th ton).But what difference does the number make?? The truth of the matter is the last post on my blog was quite some time ago.."Did your girlfriend dump you??" I remember one of my friends asking me the question when I first took up blogging..(toote hue dil se hi sachi awaaz nikalti hain..aka Ranbir Kapoor's Rockstar)


Anyways not much seems to have changed around the world.SRK is still fighting at parties.."Salman ho ya Sirish ki fark penda hain" I quoted jokingly to my friend.."Hume toh nhi padta..but had it really been Salman this time,then SRK ko toh padtaaaa..." came the reply...Well talking about fighting,there seems to be some kind of feud brewing up in the Indian Team touring down under.. Apparently, nothing much has changed with them too..Then it was England,now it's Australia..Deja vu..(Yahan bhi chamatkaar pe chamatkaar horha h)...Even with the reality shows...Yet another Indian Television's "Adarsh Bahu" bagged the Big Boss title..Though she was given a close run by another global "Adarsh" by the name of Sunny Leone..But unfortunately her true antics could not be aired on National Television..


People were dying to get into an MBA College..and we still are..The only difference being the Pre-CAT era and the Post-CAT era..No one knew the answer to the question "Why MBA?" then and no one still does..But we, the Engineers(the supposedly "technically sound ones" would eventually figure something out) Some of the popular answers doing the rounds are "Entrepreneur banna h..Corporate world ko lead krna h..Society me respect chahie"..Ultimately even the Interviewers know that we all are in here for precisely the same reason..GREED..for money, for appreciation,for recognition...and as the lines of a certain Gordon Gekko state.."GREED IS GOOD" and "MONEY IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND"...(thodi jyada philosophy ho gyi..hush..)Saying these things won't take you through any B-school interview..Better stick to the tried and tested Lies..


Well, some would say it's a dynamic, ever changing world..I tend to disagree...It depends on how you view it...Just remember, A Bend in the road is not the end of the road..(unless you stop walking)...Let's not worry about the results for a bit..Why not enjoy the journey...Have some real fun..Who knows when this all might end..(According to India TV,it will be in December this year..) So let's get a move on people...2000 hits is the new target...

Do We Deserve to be the No 1 “TEST” team????

Well, As of now. We quite simply don’t. Take it with a pinch of salt. But it is so true. Yes we have more than 30000 Test runs in our middle order. We have a spinner with more than 400 Test scalps…and a pace trio capable of troubling any batting lineup..and to top it all..A World Conquering Captain..Indeed, All the qualities of a top team. But then why not ??? To answer this rather complicated question let’s look at the current contender to the top slot….the England Team and its scheme of things.


While our Indian Superstars jumped directly into the IPL mayhem after a hectic n gruelling World Cup..(they didn’t even get the opportunity to bask in the glory of their amazing triumph),the English players opted to stay out of the IPL and give their bodies the much needed Recovery period.Something which the Indian players wish for by skipping International Commitments.The Indian team badly missed its famed Viru-Gauti opening partnership.Yes Injuries are part and parcel of any Sportsman's Career..But it is important to remember here that Sehwag opted to have the surgery on his shoulder (which by the way was long overdue) only when his IPL team had been knocked completely out of contention.Gambhir on the other hand skipped the Windies tour to overcome an injury suffered during the IPL and looked awfully short of Match practice.As was the case with the pace spearhead Zaheer …It seems quite amazing how none of them cared to rest for even a single IPL match.


Poor Starters..A tag that has long been attached to the Indian team..But how long can a team be the numero uno of world cricket if it continues to hand the initial advantage to its opponents just like that, over and over again. Again we need to look at how the England Team prepared when it toured Australia for the Ashes series last year. They landed there a good month before the first test and went on to play 3 practice games and got themselves Battle ready before going to war. No wonder, They did not just win the Ashes. They hammered the Aussies.. 3-1..Something this Indian side is very improbable to achieve with just a leisurely 3 day warm up game.


But it would be completely unfair just to blame the players for their decisions(wrong as they may appear) The scheduling of the Indian team’s tours is something the BCCI takes care of (or rather does not care for)The Sehwags and the Gambhirs are auctioned for millions before the IPL and naturally they feel a moral obligation not to leave their franchisee in the lurch even if it means risking their International Careers. And not only the BCCI. Do we, the Indian viewers, deserve a side that is No 1???Don’t remember the last time we had a full house in any test match featuring India at home. And again, The English public pours in large numbers to pack the stadiums, even if it turns out to be a frustrating rain delayed day. The News Channels hire experts from Foreign Countries to analyse each IPL game 5 times a day, but for the test matches, well the good old Indian Ranji players would do.


Coming back to the Indian Team. Yes, it has been outplayed so far in the series and probably would be outplayed in the remainder of the matches too(which I so dearly hope is not the case..but that’s just an optimist Cricket crazy Indian),what it should look at is something our Captain Cool so often talks about…his often repeated ”It’s not about the result, it’s about the process” The Team needs to get its act together and its got to do it quickly. No more hiding the injuries(resulting in break downs on the first morning of a match) No more hiding behind the Poor Starters Tag..And most of all..It has to get its priorities right. Are we happy of being the ODI Champions and possessing a cash rich Cricket league that further strengthens our control on World Cricket. Do we just want to bask in the glory of once being the World Champions or do we believe that we can go on to become the Great team that once Australia were in the era of McGrath and Warne. Well, we have got the perfect team to be so but do we have the attitude or for that matter the passion to be the best “TEST” side???

The Indian Irony

To do Injustice is a Sin – but to Tolerate Injustice is a Bigger Sin..once said the father of a nation..But evidently he was a preacher of non-violence..didn't care to wreck the kids with a stick and consequently they did not learn the lesson..


Injustice..what injustice..we all get our share of rights..hell we now even have what is popularly known as the RTI...but the fact is that we have gotten so used to tolerating injustice that we are oblivious to even acknowledging it leave alone standing up to it.




My friend was leaving for a tour to Mumbai on the 15th..Shaken by the news of the recent blasts,I called him to check if his trip was still on...Though terming it glad would be inappropriate but he was much relieved that the blasts took place before his trip..and why not..Going by the Schedule,Mumbai is now safe for a month atleast..




The recent Mumbai blasts once again highlighted the shadow of terror we all seem to be destined to live under..and indeed we are now quite accustomed to it..like it is a fitting part of our national routine..The Home Minister managed some time to clarify that it was not an intelligence failure..It's just that everyone in the ministry was too busy finding ways to clear off their Tihar bound mates..Infact our projected future PM was busy promoting his party's agenda by rallying around a UP village claiming to be fighting for the rights of the poor farmers while all he did was play blame games like every other member of his team...




Mumbai's very own Kasab celebrated his 2nd anniversary..wonder if he managed to get himself a cake too..kalmadi can have tea with the jailor why deny kasab a nice birthday...Nobody is guilty until proven says the Indian law..well he got the gift he wanted...More lives..more blood..
The media is doing an extensive coverage of the blasts which means no more prime time interviews for the Rakhi Sawant wannabees...the Lokpal bill seems like a talk of the last century..but the sad part is that like everything else these blasts coverage will just be left as a gimmick to grab more eyeballs and raise TRPs...and if by any means India manage to beat England in the first test at Lords the blasts coverage will also take a backseat and join the long list of irrelevant issues....




If America can do it,why can't we curb terrorists off our land...the question that forces every Indian to scratch his hair out..well for starters it's not easy to catch them with such safe havens for them in our neighborhood...and when we do get a hold of them,we adopt them like our lost children...spend crores of the common man's hard earned money so that they can celebrate the rest of their lives in a safe and secure environment...why not use the tax paying common man's money for his own safety first...oh sorry we do infact...the defense budget gets the biggest chunk of our annual budget...but unfortunately only on papers...they have also got to find money for the Rajas and the kalmadis from somewhere dont they....and Accountability is something no one in the government understands the meaning of...Our very dear PM seems to be in hibernate mode throughout the year..I think he saves his public appearances for the campaign drives of the next elections...wonder how does his dentist manage to get him to open his mouth....